A Second Chance
by Princess Krysta
Summary: Cordelia's depressed. Can the guys help before something horrible happens? Please r/r (Stupid summary)
1. Visits

Title: A Second Chance

Title: A Second Chance

Author: PrincessKrysta (cordygunn@yahoo.com)

Rating: PG 

Pairing: None really. Just sort of C/A/G/W family thing. And Cordy/Doyle

Spoilers: Up through Dead End. 

Distribution: Take it, just tell me were it goes

Disclaimers: I don't own any of these characters. Don't sue me, I'm poor.

Summary: Just read it.

Authors note: I decided to give this a try. 

Feedback: Please. But please be gentle like I said I'm new at this. I know it probably sucks, but I tried.

Chapter 1

Cordelia Chase slowly walked past the hundreds of gravestones heading to her destination. She occasionally looked down to examine one of the tombstones. As she arrived to place she had dreaded going to for a while now she slowly set the flowers and scotch down as she read the tombstone for the hundredth time.

Doyle

Friend, Family, Hero

She had insisted on getting Doyle a gravestone. Even if they had nothing to bury she still wanted a proper burial. He deserved that and so much more. He gave up his life for all of those demons, Angel, and her. He deserved everything. Angel had let her decide what to put on the stone. It took her forever to figure out what it should say. It would take a whole wall to put everything she wanted to say on it. In the end she decided on those three words, friend, family, hero. He was probably one of the best friends she ever had. Doyle and Angel were the first family she had, and who knows maybe Doyle and her could have had a family one day. Then he was a hero, a real hero. It was ironic really. Not even a day before he proved the hero part she had thought of Angel as the hero. If someone had told her Doyle was the real thing she would have laughed in their face. That's part of the reason she always blamed herself. If she would have just been a little nicer and admitted that she too had feelings for him maybe things would have ended differently. Just maybe. But she would never know. There were no second chances. And the worst part was she would never know if Doyle forgave her. 

"I'm sorry Doyle. So sorry." 

When they picked out the spot for his grave she chose it because of the beautiful view and she loved the tree that shaded it. She had gone during the day and she loved the spot the second she saw it. She knew it was perfect for him. It was sort of secluded and it had a huge beautiful tree inches behind it. She had brought Angel back at night for his approval. He of course said it was perfect. She knew he had been worried about her. He was constantly telling her he could take care of everything and that she should just rest. But she insisted that he let her take care of everything. She needed to. For him. It was the least she could do. Plus she was afraid to stop. She had to keep moving, to keep living. If she didn't she was afraid she would die.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited you for a while. Angel's back. He had an epiphany or something. He's trying really hard to make it up to us. A little too hard. It's actually kind of annoying. I never thought I'd say this, but I sorta miss the old Angel. I mean sure he was broody, but…..I dunno. He's just trying too hard. They think I was just mad cause he fired me, but truthfully that wasn't what hurt. I mean he was my best friend, and Angel and you were my first family. We both lost you, and when that happened he was my only family. He was like the brother I never had and so much more. And he just threw that away. Like it didn't matter to him. It just scared me how easy it was for him to end our friendship, our family. At least Gunn and Wes didn't leave. If I had lost either of them too I don't think I could have made it."

Cordelia hadn't visited Doyle since Angel fired them. She hadn't had the courage too. Cordy just couldn't deal with it all. It hurt too much. 

"I brought you some stuff…….It's weird though. I mean Angel's back, our business is up and running again, and everything is back to normal. I should be happy, but I'm not. Even though I have the guys I still feel so alone. I just keep seeing all of those faces, and feeling all their pain. I still have nightmares from the whole Vocah thing. How did you do it? How did you deal with knowing it all? I don't think I can deal with all their pain and my own. Everything just hurts. My head especially. I just want it all to go away. Everything just keeps going wrong for me. Only Dennis knows this, but if I'm not crying myself to sleep at night I drink. I mean who would have ever thought 'Cordelia Chase drinking her sorrows away…..Who ever's up there has a sick sense of humor." 

She opened the scotch she had brought for Doyle and took a few gulps, picked up her purse and started to leave turning around one last time.

"I miss you. See ya later." With that she put the cover on the half-empty bottle of scotch, threw it on the ground and left.

TBC


	2. Worried

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Where is she?" Gunn asked obviously annoyed.

They had been waiting a half an hour for her. She promised them she would be there. 

"She should have been here a while ago. Something's wrong." Angel was pacing in the large hotel.

"Maybe she just forgot." Wesley responded hopefully.

"No. Cordy knew how important this is. I gotta agree with Angel, somethin's wrong."

Then they heard the doors open and slam shut.

"Sorry I'm late guys! I had to do something."

"Where were you? We were getting worried. And you know how important this is. You could have at least called." Angel said grabbing his coat.

"Like I said I'm sorry."

"You've been saying that a lot lately Cordelia. What's going on with you?" Gunn added approaching the young seer.

"I said I'm sor.."

"Cordelia we'll discuss this later. But you have some explaining to do. And you better hope our being late won't get anyone hurt or even killed."

Cordelia looked down and followed the three guys to the car.

The group stumbled into the Hyperion Hotel a few hours later.

"I said it before and I'll say it again, I'm so sick of dust." Cordelia slumped into the couch.

Gunn sat down beside her. "Can't argue with that."

They all sat there a few minutes resting from the fight they had just had. They had to clear out a huge vampire nest. It took forever.

"I gota go." Cordelia got up and grabbed her purse.

"Where?" Angel looked up.

"Umm…ah..I just have some things to get done, and I'm tired."

"Just like when you were late today." Wesley asked getting up and walking over to her.

"That was different, and geez Wesley when did you become so intrested in what I do. I'm a big girl and I can do whatever I want, and besides it's none of your business." Cordelia started walking towards the door, but Wesley blocked her path.

"It is my business my being your boss and all. You made it my business when it started effecting your work. Where were you today Cordelia!?"

"Like I said Wesley, it's None.of.your.business!"

"I would really like to know too Cordy. Where were you?" said Angel who had been silent up until then.

"I can't believe you guys. Just leave me alone." She started to walk out but Angel grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Let go of me!"

"No. Not until you tell us where you were."

"You're hurting me! Let. Go."

"No!"

"You're hurting my arm!! Let. Go."

"NO! There is something going on with you and it's been going on for a while now. You disappear and then say you had to get something done and you're sorry. You come in late, and leave early. You always look tired. You're different. What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? You want to know what's wrong?" her voice quickly rising.

"Yes."

"What's wrong is…..you're hurting my arm! Now let go!!"

"Cordelia!"

"I don't get you Angel. You ask what's wrong. I tell you the truth, which is nothing. And you get all mad at me and hurt my arm. What do you want something to be wrong with me? Does it bother you that I'm fine? Oh I get it, you want me to be all distressed so you can swoop in and save me from all my problems and then I'll go 'Oh Angel, you're my hero!' Well newsflash broody boy, I'm fine. I don't need your rescuing. So let go of me and leave me alone!"

Angel loosened his grip and she yanked out her arm. She grabbed her bag and stormed out of the hotel.

"Damn it!" Angel knocked a bunch of things off the counter causing Gunn and Wesley to flinch and snap out of it.

"Do you think she was telling the truth?" Wesley asked hopefully.

"No."

"I didn't think so either. 

Gunn looked up, "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know." With that Angel started walking up the stairs.

"Where are you going man?" 

"I need to clear my head. We have to confront her. You all should get some sleep."

"You're right. If we're going to confront her we need to be at full strength. Cordelia has an annoying ability to turn things around."

"You got that right."


	3. 

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Cordelia stumbled into her apartment, dropped her bag and went straight for the kitchen. She came out of the kitchen and sat down sipping her glass of scotch. 

"God, life sucks."

She sat there drinking glass after glass. Something she had been doing a lot lately. After an hour or so she dosed off.

~~

"Doyle? Doyle where are you?"

"I'm right here."  


"Where? I can't see you. I can't see anything. I'm lost."

"I'm over here."

"I'm lost! I can't find you. Please Doyle, help me. Help me!"

"I have to go, sorry Princess."

"No, please Doyle. Don't go. I'm lost! Help me! Please, just help me….." she trailed off sobbing.

~~

Her eyes snapped open and her body immediately sat up causing her glass to fall on the floor and shatter into pieces.

"Please, help me…" She whispered. 

She sat there crying for a few minutes before climbing off the couch to pick up the broken glass. When she picked up a piece the jagged glass cut her hand, but she didn't drop it or cry out in pain, she didn't even flinch. She was completely numb, and emotionless. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Nothing. She sat there watching the blood stream down her hand and then drop off onto the carpet. She once again picked up the glass that had first cut her. The edge slightly stained with blood. She slowly brought it to her arm and pressed it against the skin a few inches below her elbow. The glass punctured her skin and one drop of blood fell. She was completely dazed when suddenly the glass she was holding flew across the room. It took her a moment to register. //Dennis// She started shaking and dropped the piece of glass. //What am I doing?// She got up and went into the bathroom and puked. Partly because of the alcohol and partly because she was so scared. When she finished throwing up the food she didn't eat she slid back onto the wall behind her. Too tired and dizzy to move, and unable to sleep she simply sat there completely oblivious to everything around her.

After a few hours an alarm clock came flying into the bathroom. //5:30//

"Thanks, Dennis." She mumbled barley heard. After a few minutes she gathered up the strength to get up. After she balanced herself against the sink she leaned over and turned on the shower. She undressed and got in. After a few minutes she turned off the knob. A towel floated to her. After drying herself off and putting on her robe she went to the couch. 

"Dennis? Remote?"

The remote immediately flew to her. She tuned on the TV and VCR and pushed play. 

"If you need help. Then look no further. Angel Investigations is the best! - Our rats are low."

"Our rates!"

"It says 'rats'. - Our rates are low, but our standards are high. When the

chips are down, and you're at the end of your rope you need someone

that you can count on. And that's what you'll find here - someone

that will go all the way, no matter what. So don't lose hope. Come

on over to our offices and you'll see that there's sti ll heroes in

this world….Is that it? Am I done?"

"Yeah Doyle, you're done…..If only there were second chances."

Cordelia let out a sigh, flipped off the TV and went to the kitchen. From there she started the daily cycle all over again: alcohol, get ready, go to work, come home, more alcohol.


End file.
